In this episode of The Shift with Beth Podcast, Randy is back for the first time since we got engaged, and we’re sitting down in my new podcast studio to share what life has looked like over the past few months.

We talk about our engagement, the deeper trust that made saying yes possible for me, and the small moments of vulnerability that helped us build that trust over time.

Because trust wasn’t something we simply decided to have.

It was built every time one of us brought an emotion, fear, trigger, or vulnerable part of ourselves into the relationship and the other person responded differently than our past had taught us to expect.

We also talk about receiving.

I share why being triggered can make it difficult for me to receive love and support, especially when a part of me believes I need to be “good” or perfect to deserve it, and how Randy has learned to recognize those moments without taking them personally.

Randy opens up about his own growth too, including expanding his business, joining a men’s group, allowing himself to be witnessed by other men in his fears and insecurities, and discovering the difference between performing courage and actually experiencing it.

We also share what has been changing for both of us individually: my work around visibility and allowing myself to be seen, Randy stepping more deeply into his masculinity and coaching, and the freedom we’ve found in supporting each other without losing ourselves.

This episode is a glimpse into what conscious partnership looks like for us.

It isn’t perfect.

We still get triggered. Fear still comes in. Old patterns still surface.

In This Episode, We Talk About:

• Creating my new office and podcast studio and learning to take up space
• Why receiving love can become difficult when I’m triggered
• The relationship between worthiness and receiving
• How Randy supports me without trying to fix what I’m feeling
• What went into our engagement in Sedona
• Why Randy intentionally released the pressure to create a “perfect” proposal
• The breakthrough that helped me finally feel fully ready for engagement
• How trust is built through small moments of vulnerability
• Protecting ourselves by keeping “one foot out” of a relationship
• Giving ourselves permission to trust another person
• Navigating being engaged at the same time as my oldest daughter
• Randy’s business expansion into Florida and Georgia
• Supporting your partner’s purpose without losing your own
• Independence versus emotional disconnection
• Randy’s experience joining a men’s group
• The difference between performing bravery and admitting you’re afraid
• What happens when men have safe spaces to be vulnerable with other men
• Building self-trust by moving through fear
• My challenge to be seen and show up online every day
• Following intuition without needing a guaranteed outcome
• Why our relationship feels more freeing as our trust deepens
• Expressing what you actually need in a relationship
• Allowing yourself to experience joy without making it smaller
• How expanding your capacity for difficult emotions can also expand your capacity for joy

If something in this conversation resonates with you, share this episode with someone you love and subscribe to The Shift with Beth Podcast for more conversations about healing, relationships, self-trust, and coming home to yourself.

We hear about self-love all the time, but it can easily get reduced to flowers, baths, affirmations, and doing nice things for yourself. And while those things can absolutely be part of it, real self-love goes much deeper.

In this solo episode of The Shift with Beth Podcast, I’m sharing what self-love has actually looked like in my own healing journey and why it took me until 2023 to understand what it meant to truly love myself.

I take you behind the scenes of a challenge I gave myself to show up online every day in August and why something as simple as posting consistently has brought up a much deeper fear of being seen. Through my somatic experiencing work, I’ve been connecting that fear to younger parts of myself who learned that hiding was how we stayed loved, worthy, and accepted.

We also get practical.

I’m sharing some of the self-love practices that helped change my relationship with myself, including mirror work, internal validation, changing your inner voice, listening to your body, and learning to give yourself compassion when you’re struggling.

But we’re also talking about the harder side of self-love.

Choosing yourself.

Saying no.

Trusting your intuition.

Resting before everything is finished.

Stopping the constant pattern of leaving yourself to keep everyone else comfortable.

Because real self-love isn’t about doing everything perfectly.

It’s about noticing when you’ve abandoned yourself and choosing to come back.

Again and again.

In This Episode, I Talk About:

• Why I challenged myself to show up online every day in August
• The fear of being seen and where my visibility block came from
• How somatic experiencing helped me connect with the younger parts of myself
• Turning a protective part from hiding me into helping me be seen
• Why following your intuition can be an act of self-love
• Learning who I was after leaving my marriage
• The mirror work practice that changed how I spoke to myself
• How to become aware of your inner critic
• Practicing internal validation instead of constantly seeking it externally
• Buying yourself flowers as a reminder that you’re worthy of care
• Why saying no can be an act of self-love
• The difference between self-love and self-abandonment
• How people-pleasing, overworking, numbing, and performing can disconnect us from ourselves
• What to do when you notice yourself falling back into an old pattern
• Inner child and inner teenager healing
• Learning to listen to your body instead of trying to fix it
• Why rest and pleasure don’t have to be earned
• Loving yourself when you’re not performing at your best
• What it felt like when I finally experienced my own love for the first time

About Beth:

Beth is a somatic coach, breathwork facilitator, and speaker who helps women and leaders move from survival mode into safety, self-trust, and authentic expression. She bridges nervous system science and spirituality in a grounded, practical way so healing happens beyond mindset.

Connect with Beth:

Facebook
Instagram
Website

Learn more at shiftwithbeth.com 

Takeaways

• Resilience through life's challenges
• The power of self-discovery and embracing change Journey of self-discovery and rebuilding identity
• The power of love and surrender

Chapters

• 00:00 Amy's Journey: From Divorce to Self-Discovery
• 03:10 Navigating Multiple Marriages and Blended Families
• 09:57 Career Growth and Independence
• 35:43 Moving to Chicago and Embracing Change
• 40:02 The Journey of Self-Discovery
• 40:34 Unexpected Proposal and Marriage
• 43:28 Blending Families and Hyper-Independence
• 44:25 Surrender and Coping Mechanisms
• 01:02:06 Rebuilding Identity and Self-Value
• 01:11:34 The Power of Love and Surrender

About Aimee:

Aimee Wood is an executive leader, certified life coach, mother, and passionate advocate for living with greater authenticity and self-awareness. Over the course of her 20+ year career, Aimee helped grow a startup from eight employees into the nation’s largest utility management and billing company and currently serves as an Executive Vice President.

Her path has also taken her through divorce, single motherhood, blended family life, career transitions, and the deeper work of separating her identity and self-worth from achievement. Today, Aimee is passionate about helping others recognize the patterns that shape their lives, reconnect with who they are beyond the roles they play, and create relationships and lives that feel more aligned and authentic.

Connect with Aimee:

Instagram
Website

About Beth:

Beth is a somatic coach, breathwork facilitator, and speaker who helps women and leaders move from survival mode into safety, self-trust, and authentic expression. She bridges nervous system science and spirituality in a grounded, practical way so healing happens beyond mindset.

Connect with Beth:

Facebook
Instagram
Website

Learn more at shiftwithbeth.com 

But what if those reactions aren't character flaws?

What if they're emotional patterns you've been carrying for years?

In Part 2 of Your Emotions Aren't the Problem, Beth explores one of the most important truths about healing: the way we relate to our emotions is something we learned. And because it was learned, it can also be changed.

Understanding where these emotional patterns come from allows us to replace self-judgment with compassion and begin creating healthier ways of responding—not only for ourselves, but for the people we love.

Our First Lessons About Emotions Begin in Childhood

None of us entered the world believing that emotions were good or bad.

We learned that over time.

As children, we watched how the adults around us handled sadness, anger, fear, disappointment, and joy. Some families openly expressed emotions. Others avoided them. Some rewarded being "strong," while others unintentionally taught that certain emotions were unacceptable.

Without realizing it, we began creating beliefs like:

• I shouldn't cry.
• Anger is dangerous.
• I need to keep everyone happy.
• My feelings are too much.
• It's safer to stay quiet.

These beliefs often become automatic operating systems that continue into adulthood.

Many of us don't question them because they've simply become familiar.

Your Inner Critic Didn't Appear Overnight

One of the most powerful insights Beth shares is that our inner critic usually isn't our original voice.

It's a collection of messages we've absorbed throughout our lives.

Sometimes it sounds like a parent.

Sometimes a teacher.

Sometimes society's expectations.

Sometimes our own survival strategies.

Over time, those external messages become internal dialogue.

That's why so many people instinctively criticize themselves before offering themselves compassion.

The good news is that awareness creates choice.

Once you recognize that the inner critic isn't your true identity, you can begin responding differently.

Instead of believing every critical thought, you can meet it with curiosity and kindness.

Emotional Patterns Get Passed Down—Until Someone Interrupts Them

Many of the emotional habits we carry weren't intentionally given to us.

They were modeled.

Parents often teach emotional responses without realizing it. If they learned to suppress emotions, they may unintentionally teach the same. If they were uncomfortable with sadness or anger, they may have tried to quickly fix those feelings in their children.

This doesn't mean...

For generations, many boys have received messages about masculinity long before they were old enough to question them.

Don't cry.

Be strong.

Handle it yourself.

Don't be afraid.

Don't show weakness.

Those messages can become so deeply embedded that eventually they stop feeling like beliefs at all. They simply feel like who you are.

But what if some of what we've been taught about masculinity isn't authentic masculinity at all?

In this episode of The Shift with Beth Podcast, I sat down with my dear friend Ben Wood for a conversation about masculinity, emotional safety, vulnerability, relationships, and what happens when men begin looking underneath the identities they've learned to perform.

Ben is currently writing The Mask of Masculinity, a book inspired by his own journey of understanding the difference between the man he learned to present to the world and the person underneath that performance.

And this conversation isn't coming from someone claiming to have everything figured out.

That's actually what makes it so powerful.

It's about a man willing to look inward, get curious about his patterns, and continue doing the work.

How Boys Learn to Disconnect From Their Emotions

One of the most important parts of our conversation was Ben's experience with emotion.

Like so many boys, he learned early that certain feelings were more acceptable than others.

Sadness could feel weak.

Crying could invite judgment.

Vulnerability could feel unsafe.

When a child repeatedly receives those messages, consciously or unconsciously, the emotion itself can eventually become connected to shame.

The child doesn't necessarily stop experiencing sadness. He learns to hide it.

And if he becomes good enough at hiding it, he may eventually struggle to access it at all.

Ben talked openly about how difficult reconnecting with those emotions has been as an adult. Even after years of inner work, he still notices the part of himself that can interpret visible emotion as weakness.

That awareness matters.

Because healing doesn't mean a pattern never appears again.

It means you can begin noticing it rather than automatically letting it run you.

What Is Authentic Masculinity?

There is no shortage of opinions about what masculinity should look like.

But Ben offered a perspective that stood out to me.

For him, healthy masculine energy is connected to serving, protecting, providing, creating safety, and taking action.

Not controlling.

Not dominating.

Not suppressing every emotion.

And not performing an image of strength while chaos is happening underneath.

This is where the idea behind...

They try to stop people pleasing. They try to stop overthinking. They try to become more confident, set better boundaries, or stop abandoning themselves in relationships.

But despite their best efforts, they often find themselves repeating the same patterns over and over again.

The reason is simple: most patterns aren't conscious choices. They're survival strategies.

What Are Limiting Patterns?

A limiting pattern is a response your nervous system learned to repeat because it once helped you feel safe, loved, accepted, or protected.

These patterns usually develop early in life. At some point, your brain and body learned a strategy that helped you navigate your environment.

Maybe being agreeable prevented conflict.

Maybe achievement earned praise and validation.

Maybe staying quiet protected you from criticism.

Maybe taking care of others made you feel needed and valued.

The pattern worked.

The challenge is that many of these patterns continue running long after the original circumstances have changed.

What once protected you may now be limiting you.

Why Patterns Feel Like Your Personality

One reason patterns are so difficult to recognize is because they often develop very early.

You don't consciously decide to become a people pleaser.

You don't intentionally choose perfectionism.

You don't wake up one day and decide to overthink every interaction.

Instead, these behaviors slowly become automatic.

Over time, they begin to feel like your personality rather than learned responses.

You may find yourself saying things like:

"I'm just a people pleaser."

"I'm naturally anxious."

"I'm just really independent."

"I'm a perfectionist."

But many of these traits are actually adaptive responses your nervous system learned years ago.

Common Limiting Patterns

Many people share similar survival strategies.

People Pleasing

People pleasing often develops when keeping others happy helped create safety.

As adults, this may look like saying yes when you want to say no, avoiding conflict, over-explaining boundaries, or feeling responsible for everyone else's emotions.

Perfectionism

Perfectionism frequently develops when achievement becomes linked to worthiness.

Rather than feeling inherently valuable, perfectionists often believe they must earn love, approval, or acceptance through performance.

Hyper-Independence

Hyper-independent individuals often learned that relying on others led to disap...

Most people believe their reactions define them.

That if they’re anxious, reactive, or overly emotional, something must be wrong with them.

But what if your reactions aren’t random at all?

What if they were learned?

Where Patterns Actually Begin

Long before you were aware of your behaviors, your nervous system was learning how to stay safe.

For many people, this meant becoming:

– The high achiever
– The “good” one
– The helper
– The one who doesn’t cause problems

These patterns don’t come from personality. They come from adaptation.

If love, approval, or safety felt conditional growing up, your nervous system learned how to respond in ways that increased your chances of receiving it.

Over time, those responses become automatic.

The High Achiever and the Need for Approval

High achievement often looks like discipline, motivation, and success from the outside.

But underneath, it can be driven by something deeper.

The need to be enough.

When approval becomes tied to performance, achievement stops being a choice and starts becoming a requirement.

You’re not just doing well. You’re trying to secure love, validation, and belonging.

People-Pleasing Isn’t Weakness

People-pleasing is often misunderstood.

It’s not about being “too nice” or lacking boundaries.

It’s a learned survival response.

If expressing your needs once led to rejection, conflict, or disappointment from others, your system adapts by prioritizing other people instead.

Not because you want to, but because it feels safer.

Disconnection from Self

One of the biggest costs of these patterns is disconnection.

You learn how to be who others need you to be.

But you lose touch with who you actually are.

This can show up as:

– Not knowing what you want
– Feeling stuck or unfulfilled
– Constantly seeking external validation
– Difficulty making decisions

Because your identity was built around adaptation, not authenticity.

Awareness Changes Everything

The moment you start seeing these patterns clearly, something shifts.

You stop labeling yourself as “too much” or “not enough.”

You begin to understand that your reactions were never the problem.

They were solutions.

Solutions that worked at one point, but may no longer serve you now.

And from that place, change becomes possible.

Not through force, but through awareness.

The First Step Forward

You don’t need to fix yourself.

You need to understand yourself.

Because when you understand where your patterns come from, you stop fighting them.

And that’s where real change begins.

What many people don’t talk about is that even when a blended family is built from love, the adjustment still impacts everyone involved. Children are navigating change. Parents are navigating guilt, fear, and responsibility. And underneath it all, multiple nervous systems are learning how to feel safe together.

In a recent episode of The Shift with Beth podcast, Beth and her partner Randy shared their experience of blending their families together. Between the two of them, they’re raising seven children and learning in real time what it means to create connection, boundaries, emotional safety, and new traditions.

Connection Cannot Be Forced

One of the biggest lessons they shared is that connection takes time.

When families blend, there can be pressure to make everyone instantly feel close, connected, and comfortable. Parents often want reassurance that the new family dynamic is “working.” But emotional safety doesn’t happen overnight.

Kids need time. Relationships need time. Nervous systems need time.

Instead of forcing closeness, Beth and Randy focused on creating opportunities for connection without pressure. During trips, shared meals, and family activities, they allowed relationships between the children to develop naturally.

That approach created space for authentic connection instead of performative bonding.

This is such an important reminder for blended families because children often feel overwhelmed by rapid change. Even positive change can feel dysregulating to the nervous system when routines, environments, and family structures suddenly shift.

Why One-on-One Time Matters

Another important part of blending families after divorce is maintaining individual relationships with your children.

Many parents feel guilty wanting separate time with their own kids after remarrying or blending households. But children often need reassurance that they haven’t lost their parent in the process of gaining a new family.

Beth and Randy talked about the importance of creating intentional one-on-one time with their children. Separate conversations, outings, and moments of connection help kids feel emotionally secure during major transitions.

This doesn’t weaken the blended family dynamic. It strengthens it.

Children who feel emotionally safe and connected individually are often more capable of building healthy connections within the larger family unit.

Grief Can Exist Alongside Gratitude

One of the most meaningful parts of the conversation was their openness around grief.

Even in happy relationships, grief can still exist.

Parents and children may grieve old traditions, previous family routines, holiday dynamics, or simply the familiarity of how life used to feel. That grief doesn’t mean someone regrets moving forward. It simply means change is emotional.

Beth shared how difficult it initially felt to admit grief because she worried it might me...

In this special guided somatic meditation, Beth leads you through a practice of deep rest—a gentle nervous system exercise designed to help your body release unconscious tension, soften chronic bracing, and reconnect with a sense of safety.

Many of us carry stress in our jaw, shoulders, chest, stomach, and muscles without even realizing it. Over time, that constant bracing consumes enormous amounts of energy, leaving us feeling exhausted even when we've done "nothing."

This guided somatic meditation invites you to pause, slow down, and give your body permission to rest.

Whether you're feeling overwhelmed, anxious, burned out, or simply disconnected from yourself, this practice offers a space to regulate your nervous system through intentional awareness, gratitude, and self-compassion.

Come as you are. Your body already knows how to rest—it may simply need permission.

In This Episode

• Why your body is constantly holding unconscious tension
• How chronic bracing contributes to stress and burnout
• The connection between nervous system regulation and rest
• A full guided body scan meditation
• Practicing gratitude for your body
• Internal validation and self-love
• Creating safety through slowing down
• Learning to soften instead of constantly pushing through

Memorable Quotes

"Holding tension all day, every day takes real energy."

"Sometimes the most loving thing you can do for yourself is simply soften."

"Your body isn't asking you to push harder. It's asking you to slow down."

"You deserve to rest."

About Beth:

Beth is a somatic coach, breathwork facilitator, and speaker who helps women and leaders move from survival mode into safety, self-trust, and authentic expression. She bridges nervous system science and spirituality in a grounded, practical way so healing happens beyond mindset.

Connect with Beth:

Facebook Instagram Website

If this guided somatic meditation supported you, save this episode and come back whenever your nervous system needs a reset.

Learn more at shiftwithbeth.com

In reality, triggers are often a sign that something unresolved inside us is asking to be seen.

One of the biggest misconceptions about relationships is that if you've done enough healing work, you'll stop getting triggered. The truth is that relationships often reveal the deepest layers of healing because they bring us into close emotional connection with another person. When someone matters to us, old fears, wounds, and protective patterns can naturally surface.

What Is a Trigger in a Relationship?

A trigger happens when something occurring in the present moment activates an emotional experience from the past. While the current situation may seem small, the nervous system isn't reacting only to what's happening right now. It's responding to what the moment reminds us of.

This is why seemingly insignificant situations can create surprisingly intense emotional reactions.

A simple conversation, a misunderstood comment, a shift in tone, or a partner's behavior can activate feelings of rejection, abandonment, not being good enough, being unseen, or fear of being replaced.

The trigger itself isn't the problem.

The trigger is information.

Why Triggers Feel So Intense

Most people assume they're reacting to what their partner just said or did.

But often the reaction is connected to something much older.

Maybe a partner forgetting something reminds you of times you felt unimportant.

Maybe a disagreement activates childhood experiences of not being heard.

Maybe someone setting a boundary triggers fears of rejection or abandonment.

The nervous system doesn't always distinguish between past and present. It simply recognizes familiar emotional patterns and responds accordingly.

This is why relationship triggers can feel so overwhelming even when we logically know we're safe.

The Problem With Blame

When triggers happen, many couples immediately move into blame.

We assume our partner caused our emotional reaction.

We focus on what they did wrong.

We try to prove our point.

Unfortunately, this often creates more distance instead of more connection.

One of the most powerful shifts in relationship healing happens when we move from asking, "What did my partner do?" to asking, "What is this bringing up in me?"

This simple shift creates self-awareness and personal responsibility.

It doesn't mean unhealthy behavior should be ignored. It simply means we become curious about our internal experience instead of automatically projecting it outward.

The Importance of Emotional Safety

Emotional safety is the foundation of healthy relationships.

When people feel emotionally safe, they can be vulnerable, honest, and authentic without fear of judgment or punishment.

Creating emotional safety doesn't mean agreeing with everything your...

It was about how much of yourself you lost inside of it.

In this week’s podcast episode, Beth sat down with Kendra Allen from Heal Your Heartbreak for a powerful conversation about addiction recovery, heartbreak, nervous system healing, emotionally unavailable relationships, and self-abandonment.

One of the most impactful moments in the conversation came when Kendra shared this:

“If you ignore your inner compass long enough, you lose your true north.”

That is exactly what self-abandonment feels like.

It’s slowly disconnecting from yourself in order to maintain connection with someone else.

And so many people do it without even realizing it.

What Is Self-Abandonment?

Self-abandonment happens when you consistently ignore your own needs, feelings, boundaries, truth, or intuition in order to feel accepted, loved, safe, or chosen.

It can look like:

• Saying yes when you want to say no
• Avoiding difficult conversations
• Suppressing your emotions
• Over-functioning in relationships
• People pleasing
• Ignoring red flags
• Staying in emotionally unhealthy dynamics
• Shape-shifting to avoid rejection
• Prioritizing everyone else’s needs over your own

Over time, this disconnects you from your authentic self.

And eventually, many people wake up feeling emotionally exhausted, resentful, anxious, disconnected, or unsure of who they really are.

Why We Learn to Abandon Ourselves

Most self-abandonment patterns begin long before adult relationships.

They usually develop as survival strategies.

For many people, being agreeable, emotionally easy, hyper-independent, helpful, or low maintenance became the safest way to maintain connection growing up.

The nervous system learns: “If I become who other people need me to be, I’ll stay safe.”

These patterns often continue into adult relationships without conscious awareness.

That’s why emotionally unavailable relationships can feel so addictive. They activate old survival patterns that feel familiar to the nervous system.

As Beth and Kendra discussed in the episode, healing is not only about finding healthier relationships. It’s about becoming aware of the ways you disconnect from yourself inside relationships.

The Link Between Heartbreak and Healing

One of the most powerful parts of the conversation was hearing Kendra share how heartbreak became the catalyst for her healing journey.

After years of unhealthy relationship dynamics, she realized that even sobriety had not automatically healed her relationship patterns.

She spoke openly about people pleasing, chasing emotionally unavailable partners, and learning how to stop abandoning herself for connection.

This is something so many people experience after heartbreak.

A breakup often forces us to...

The truth is, relationships don’t just begin when you meet someone. They begin in the seasons where you are learning how to come back to yourself.

Timing Isn’t Random

When something feels aligned, it’s easy to think it simply happened at the right time. But timing is rarely accidental. It’s often the result of who you’ve become.

The boundaries you’ve learned to hold, the patterns you’ve started to recognize, and the ways you’ve begun choosing yourself differently all shape what you are available for. They also influence what feels right to you. Something that once felt exciting may no longer feel aligned, while something that once felt unfamiliar may now feel safe.

This is why timing matters so much in relationships. You don’t just meet people based on chance. You meet them based on where you are.

Healing Changes What You Accept

As you grow, your relationships naturally begin to shift. Sometimes that means outgrowing people. Not because anyone did anything wrong, but because you’re no longer the same version of yourself.

This can feel uncomfortable, and there can be grief in letting go of what once felt normal. But it also creates space—space for something that reflects who you are now, not who you used to be. That’s often where more aligned relationships begin.

Why Vulnerability Feels So Hard

One of the biggest challenges in relationships isn’t connection. It’s vulnerability.

For many people, vulnerability doesn’t feel natural. It can feel exposed, unfamiliar, and even unsafe. And that’s usually because, at some point, it was.

Maybe your emotions weren’t fully received. Maybe being open led to rejection or misunderstanding. Maybe you learned that being “too much” created distance instead of connection. So your system adapted.

It learned to protect you by staying guarded, holding back, and only revealing parts of yourself that felt safe enough. This isn’t a flaw. It’s a response. It’s how your nervous system learned to keep you safe.

When Healthy Feels Unfamiliar

One of the most unexpected parts of healing is how different healthy relationships can feel. There’s often less anxiety, less guessing, and less emotional intensity.

Instead, there is steadiness, clarity, and consistency.

But because it’s different from what you’re used to, it can feel uncertain at first. You might question it or wonder if something is missing. Often, what feels unfamiliar isn’t wrong. It’s simply new.

Emotional Safety Changes Everything

Vulnerability becomes possible when there is emotional safety—not just with another person, but within yourself.

When you trust yourself to handle your emotions, set boundaries, and stay connected to your truth even in discomfort, something shifts. You begin to open in a different way. Not from pressure or the need to prove anything, but from a grounded place of self-trust.

The Moments That Quietly Shape Everything

When you look back on your life, it’s often not the big moments that changed everything. It’s the small ones.

A conversation you almost didn’t have. A decision that didn’t feel significant at the time. A moment where you chose yourself in a new way.

These are the moments that quietly shift your direction. Over time, they lead you somewhere different—somewhere more aligned.

Have you ever found yourself saying “yes” to a commitment while your entire body was screaming “no”? Or perhaps you’ve become so good at sensing what other people need that you’ve completely lost touch with what you want.

In this episode of Shift with Beth, we are pulling back the curtain on a behavior that many of us mistake for “being nice” or “being easy-going”: Self-Abandonment.

What is Self-Abandonment?

Self-abandonment is the act of rejecting your own feelings, needs, or boundaries in order to maintain a connection with someone else. It often starts as a survival strategy in childhood or high-demand environments where “fitting in” was a requirement for safety.

Over time, this survival strategy becomes a default setting. We become high-capacity, low-maintenance individuals who are “successful” on the outside but feel increasingly hollow on the inside.

The Link Between People-Pleasing and the Nervous System

From a somatic perspective, people-pleasing is often a “fawn” response. When our nervous system senses a threat—like potential conflict or disapproval—it tries to appease the threat to stay safe.

Common “tells” that you are in a cycle of self-abandonment include:

• The Reflexive Yes: Agreeing to things before you’ve even had a chance to check your calendar or your energy levels.
• The Emotional Chameleon: Changing your tone, opinions, or personality based on who you are with.
• The Silent Resentment: Feeling “burned out” by people you love, because you’ve been overriding your own boundaries to serve them.

How to Start the Shift Back to Self-Leadership

Healing from self-abandonment isn’t about becoming “selfish”; it’s about becoming self-led. It’s the process of rebuilding the capacity to be honest with yourself and others, even when it causes “natural friction.”

“We’ve been taught that success requires at least some amount of self-abandonment. But true success—and true intimacy—can only happen when you are actually present in the room.” — Beth Schild

Episode Highlights & Timestamps

• [05:20] Defining the “People-Pleaser” archetype as a protector.
• [14:15] Why high-demand environments (religion, corporate, etc.) reward self-abandonment.
• [22:40] The physical cost: How suppressing your truth leads to chronic stress and fatigue.
• [31:10] Action Step: The “10-Second Pause” technique to interrupt the fawn response.

Subscribe: Follow on Apple Podcasts or Spotify to continue your journey.

Join the Community: Visit shiftwithbeth.com to access resources and coaching.

But what if those reactions aren’t about what’s happening right now? What if they are echoes from a younger version of you who is still trying to feel safe?

In the latest episode of the podcast, we dive deep into a concept that often feels abstract or even a little “woo-woo” until you actually experience it: Inner Child Work.

If you are a high-achieving woman, a solopreneur, or someone who is constantly holding it all together, this episode is specifically for you. We explore why understanding your inner child is often the missing key to healing the anxiety, burnout, and perfectionism that keeps you stuck.

What is Inner Child Work, Really?

Let’s demystify this term right away. Inner child work isn’t about blaming your parents or dwelling on a terrible childhood. In fact, many people—myself included—avoid this work because they feel their childhood was “good enough.” We tell ourselves, “I had food, I had a home, my family loved me. I shouldn’t be complaining.”

But your nervous system doesn’t deal in logic; it deals in safety.

Inner child work is simply recognizing that parts of you learned how to survive when you were younger. Those parts—whether they are five, ten, or fifteen years old—developed strategies to stay safe, connected, and loved. And those strategies, which served you well back then, are often the very patterns causing you stress today.

When we talk about the inner child, we are talking about the younger parts of you that learned what the world felt like and what you had to do to survive in it.

The “Little T” Trauma We Often Overlook

We tend to think of trauma only as the big, obvious events—abuse, severe loss, or violence. But there is also what we call “little t” trauma. These are the subtle, consistent moments that taught your nervous system that it wasn’t safe to be fully you.

Maybe you learned that:

• Your emotions were “too much” for the adults around you.
• You had to be the “good girl” or the “easy child” to get attention.
• Mistakes were dangerous, so you had to be perfect.
• You were responsible for everyone else’s feelings.

Your body remembers these lessons. Even if you’ve built a successful business and a beautiful life, your nervous system might still be operating on outdated software, scanning for danger where there isn’t any.

In this episode, I share my personal story of growing up in Southern California with terrifying earthquakes. My body learned early on that danger could strike at any moment, especially when I was resting. Years later, as a mother and entrepreneur, that same survival mechanism kicked in when life got overwhelming, manifesting as severe anxiety and insomnia.

It wasn’t until I connected the dots back to that frightened little girl that I could finally heal the anxiety instead of just managing it.

Why High-Performers Struggle to Heal

As driven women, we are excellent at “managing” things. We manage our businesses, our households, and yes, our anxiety. We might use medication, exercise, or sheer willpower to push through the discomfort.

I did this for years. I managed my anxiety. I managed my insomnia. I kept showing up, coaching, and parenting while internally I was exhausted and wired.

But managing isn’t healing.

Healing requires us to stop fighting the anxiety and start listening to it. When you feel triggered or overwhelmed,...

You understand the pattern. You can name the self-abandonment. You recognize the inner critic. You know your nervous system is reacting to something older than the present moment.

But your body still needs an experience.

That’s where breathwork becomes powerful.

In this episode of Shift with Beth, I guide you through an inner child breathwork session designed to help you move out of your thinking brain and into the deeper intelligence of your body. This is not about forcing a breakthrough. It’s about creating enough safety for your body to open, release, and reconnect in its own timing.

Why inner child breathwork matters

So many of us are trying to heal from the neck up.

We think about our patterns. We analyze our triggers. We try to mindset our way into change.

But lasting healing doesn’t happen by overriding the body. It happens when the body feels safe enough to participate.

That’s what breathwork can help create.

Breathwork gently shifts you out of your head and into greater awareness of what your body is holding. It helps restore communication between the brain, the heart, and the gut. When those pathways begin to open, insights, memories, emotions, and clarity can surface without you forcing them.

This is why breathwork can feel so different from simply thinking about your healing. It becomes embodied.

What makes this guided session different

This session is especially meaningful because it is the first recorded breathwork practice I’ve shared publicly outside of private client work and live events.

It is gentle, guided, and trauma-aware.

I begin by explaining how I facilitate, what kinds of sensations you may notice, and how to approach the practice in a way that helps your nervous system feel informed and supported. You are reminded throughout that there is nothing to perform and nothing to prove.

You can pause. You can slow down. You can adjust the breath. You can stop and return when you’re ready.

That matters.

Because healing does not happen through pressure. It happens through safety.

What you may experience during the session

During this inner child breathwork practice, you may notice physical sensations such as tingling, temperature changes, tightness, or emotional release. You may feel calm. You may feel resistance. You may feel connected to a younger version of yourself or simply more aware of what your body needs.

All of that is valid.

In the session, I guide you through different breath patterns and breath holds, along with a gentle journey through the body’s energy centers. If spiritual language like chakras does not resonate with you, you can simply think of these as intelligent areas of the body with networks of nerves, glands, and communication pathways.

This is one of the things I love most about breathwork. It bridges science and spirituality in a way that feels grounded and practical.

You don’t need to force your inner child to appear. You don’t need to make anything happen. The intention is simply to create enough safety for whatever wants to arise.

The healing is in the staying

One of the most powerful moments in the session is the invitation to connect with a past version of yourself and let them know you are here.

Not to fix them.
Not to rush them.
Not to analyze them.

Just to stay.

To ask what they need.
To offer what they didn’t get.
To let them know you’re not leaving.

That is reparenting. That is repair. That is how self-trust begins to rebuild in the body.

If you’ve been craving a way to move beyond insight and into actual embodied healing, t...

You can move to a new city. Leave the job that's draining you. Build healthier habits. Surround yourself with supportive people.

And yet, old patterns can still follow you.

In Part 2 of The Shift with Beth Podcast, Beth continues her heartfelt conversation with Nicole Miranda as they explore what happened after Nicole left her corporate career behind and moved to Hawaii. While her surroundings had completely changed, the deeper work of healing was only beginning.

Their conversation offers a powerful reminder that true transformation isn't about escaping your old life. It's about gently uncovering the beliefs, patterns, and wounds that have been quietly shaping your life all along.

Healing Begins With One Courageous Decision

After years of living in chronic stress, Nicole made one life-changing decision: she moved to Hawaii.

The change immediately brought her a sense of peace she had never experienced before. She felt more connected to nature, surrounded by people who valued presence over productivity, and inspired to create a completely different lifestyle.

One of her first decisions was to stop drinking alcohol.

Not because someone told her to.

Not because she felt pressured.

But because she realized she wanted to build her new life intentionally.

Sobriety became more than giving something up—it became part of creating a new identity rooted in health, clarity, and authenticity.

It's a beautiful reminder that healing often begins with small but meaningful choices that align with who we're becoming.

Changing Your Environment Doesn't Instantly Change Your Patterns

Although Hawaii brought peace into Nicole's life, she quickly realized that simply changing locations didn't erase the habits she'd carried for years.

She still struggled with overworking.

She still relied on prescription medication.

She still filled every moment with activity.

Even after leaving a demanding career, she found herself constantly planning hikes, adventures, social gatherings, and activities.

Beth gently points out something many of us experience:

We often believe the external situation is the problem.

Sometimes it is.

But healing also asks us to look inward.

Nicole realized she wasn't only addicted to achievement—she had also become uncomfortable with stillness itself.

That awareness became one of the biggest turning points in her journey.

Learning to Slow Down

Eventually, Nicole traveled to Bali to complete her yoga teacher training.

At first, it wasn't the peaceful retreat she imagined.

She struggled with discomfort.

She questioned why she had come.

Meditation felt almost unbearable.

Sitting quietly with...

We learn to prioritize everyone else's needs before our own. We become experts at anticipating how others feel, solving problems before they're spoken aloud, and making sure everyone around us is comfortable—even when it comes at the expense of ourselves.

Over time, this pattern becomes so familiar that we stop questioning it.

We simply call it responsibility.

In this heartfelt solo episode of The Shift with Beth Podcast, Beth shares a deeply personal reflection on what happened when she realized her own body was asking for something she'd been resisting: space.

Not because she wanted to escape her life.

But because she needed to reconnect with herself.

Listening to What Your Body Is Trying to Say

Beth begins by sharing several meaningful life updates.

She's recently become engaged.

Her oldest daughter has also become engaged.

Her blended family is growing closer together while navigating new experiences and transitions.

At the same time, she's continued her own healing work with a somatic experiencing practitioner.

Although life was filled with beautiful moments, Beth noticed something important.

She was becoming more reactive.

More emotionally depleted.

More overwhelmed.

Instead of ignoring those signals, she became curious about them.

Rather than asking, "What's wrong with me?" she asked a different question:

"What is my body trying to tell me?"

That question changed everything.

Why We Feel Guilty Taking Time for Ourselves

Beth decided to spend a few days alone in Sedona.

Before leaving, something surprising happened.

She felt guilty.

Even though her fiancé fully supported her.

Even though no one asked her to justify the trip.

Even though she knew it was exactly what she needed.

The guilt still appeared.

This is something many people experience.

The guilt isn't necessarily coming from the people around us.

Often, it's coming from old beliefs we've carried for years.

Beliefs that say:

"If I take care of myself, I'm letting someone else down."

"If I rest, I'm being selfish."

"If I choose myself, someone else loses."

These beliefs are rarely facts.

They're patterns.

And patterns can change.

Self-Compassion Isn't Always Easy

While spending time alone, Beth attended yoga and meditation classes, sat quietly beside the creek, reflected, and simply allowed herself to be present.

Without...

In this debut episode of Shift with Beth, I’m sharing the raw, honest story of how I found my own voice after decades of self-silencing. For years, I lived a life defined by a high-demand religion, a 20-year marriage, and the constant pressure to be “good” and “easy-going.”

But everything changed in the most unexpected place: at the gym, with a pair of headphones on.

How a Podcast Became My Lifeline

In this episode, I share the “lightning bolt” moment I experienced while listening to a podcast. It was the first time I felt truly seen by a stranger’s voice. That moment sparked a series of intentional shifts that led me away from religious dogma and toward somatic healing, self-love, and eventually, the creation of this show.

What Does it Mean to “Shift”?

We often think that change has to be explosive or overnight. But a shift is different. A shift is an intentional, slight adjustment in perspective or physiology that changes your entire trajectory.

On this podcast, we will explore the shifts required to:

• Move out of “Survival Mode” and into a regulated nervous system.
• Stop the cycle of self-abandonment and people-pleasing.
• Navigate the messy middle of life’s biggest transitions—like divorce and faith crises.
• Use tools like Somatic Breathwork to heal the body from the inside out.

What to Expect in Future Episodes

This isn’t just a podcast about theory; it’s about practice. Moving forward, we will dive into:

• Somatic Tools: Practical ways to regulate your stress in real-time.
• Expert Interviews: Conversations with leaders in psychology, parenting, and wellness.
• Candid Solo Deep-Dives: Sharing the lessons I’m learning in real-time as a mother, coach, and woman in transition.

“Change is inevitable, but a shift is intentional. I’m here to help you make the shifts that bring you back home to yourself.” — Beth Schild

They just know it feels uncomfortable, overwhelming, and often bigger than the moment.

So let’s slow it down.

A trigger is when something happening in the present moment activates something unresolved from your past inside your nervous system. It is not just a thought. It is a body response.

Your chest tightens.
Your throat constricts.
Your stomach drops.
Your jaw clenches.
Your mind starts scanning for danger.

And the important part is this: the current situation may not actually be unsafe, but it feels familiar to something that once was.

That changes everything.

Triggers Are Felt In The Body First

One of the most important things to understand is that triggers happen in the body before the mind creates the story.

Your nervous system reacts first. Then your thoughts rush in to explain it.

That is why your reaction can feel immediate. Maybe your boss sends a message that says, “Can we talk later?” and suddenly your body goes into alarm. Nothing has even happened yet, but your system is already bracing. Your mind starts filling in the blanks.

This is not just about the present moment. It is about what your nervous system remembers.

Why Your Reaction Feels Bigger Than The Moment

A trigger often means a younger part of you has been activated.

Not your grounded adult self. A past version of you.

A younger version who learned to people-please, shut down, overthink, brace, or react in order to feel safe.

So when your reaction feels bigger than the current moment, it usually is not just about what is happening right now. It is about what this moment reminds your body of.

Instead of asking, What is wrong with me, a more helpful question is: What is being activated in me right now?

Why Fighting The Trigger Makes It Worse

Most people have never been taught how to be with a trigger.

They are taught to suppress it, react from it, or judge themselves for having it.

But when you brace against the bracing, you often intensify the trigger.

A more supportive approach is to acknowledge what is happening and gently signal safety to your nervous system. If your chest feels tight, let your body know it is okay to feel that. Then bring your attention to another part of your body that feels neutral or safe, like your hands, your legs, or your feet.

You are not telling your body that something is wrong. You are telling it, I can feel this and still be safe.

And if the activation feels too strong, orient outward. Notice what you can see. Listen for what you can hear. Touch something grounding. Triggers pull you emotionally into the past. Grounding brings you physically back into the present.

A Simple Way To Work With Triggers

Beth teaches a simple three-step process:

Notice.
Get curious.
Regulate before responding.

Notice that something in you is activated.

Get curious about what story, belief, or younger part may be coming online.

Then regulate before reacting. Take a breath. Ground. Pause. Give your nervous system support before you respond.

The goal is not to never be triggered.

You are human. You have a nervous system. You have lived experiences.

The goal is to understand what is happening when you are, so you can stay with yourself instead of abandoning yourself in the moment.

That is where self-trust begins to rebuild.

Many of us grow up believing that if we work hard enough, achieve enough, and check all the right boxes, fulfillment will naturally follow. But what happens when you've built the career, earned the income, and created the life that looks successful from the outside—and still feel completely exhausted on the inside?

In Part 1 of this conversation on The Shift with Beth Podcast, Beth sits down with Nicole Miranda to explore exactly that. Nicole shares her deeply personal story of moving from years of high performance, chronic stress, anxiety, and burnout into a life centered on alignment, peace, and purpose.

Her story is a powerful reminder that burnout isn't simply about working too much. It's often the result of living disconnected from ourselves for far too long.

When Achievement Becomes Your Identity

Nicole describes growing up as someone who always did everything "right."

She excelled academically, competed as an athlete, graduated with honors, and built a successful career in highly competitive sales environments. From the outside, she embodied everything many people strive for.

Yet beneath that success was a nervous system constantly operating in survival mode.

Her days became filled with long work hours, constant travel, relentless performance expectations, marathon training, social obligations, and an endless drive to achieve more. There was very little room for stillness.

Like so many high achievers, Nicole unknowingly connected her self-worth to her productivity. If she wasn't accomplishing something, she questioned her value.

This pattern is incredibly common among people who struggle with perfectionism, people-pleasing, and chronic stress.

The Hidden Cost of Living in Survival Mode

One of the most impactful moments in the episode comes when Nicole reflects on how she lived for years in constant fight-or-flight.

Although she appeared healthy and successful, her body was carrying enormous amounts of stress.

She struggled with severe insomnia, eventually relying on prescription sleeping medication just to quiet her mind at night. During the day, stimulants helped her maintain the intense pace she believed she needed to keep.

It became a cycle of pushing harder, resting less, and ignoring every signal her body was sending.

Many people assume burnout arrives suddenly.

In reality, burnout is often the accumulation of years of overriding your body's needs until it no longer has the capacity to keep going.

Burnout Doesn't Mean You're Weak

Eventually, Nicole experienced something she had never known before.

The anxiety became overwhelming.

The exhaustion became debilitating.

She describes entering periods where simply getting out of bed felt impossible.

For someone whose identity had always been built around achievement and productivity, this experience felt confusing and frightening.

Beth gently reminds listeners that this response actually makes sense.

When the nervous sy...

Over time, many of us learn to avoid difficult emotions instead of understanding them.

We distract ourselves. We stay busy. We scroll social media, overwork, overeat, numb out, or convince ourselves that we "shouldn't" feel the way we do.

But what if your emotions were never the problem?

That single shift has the power to change your relationship with yourself.

Every Emotion Has a Purpose

One of the biggest misconceptions about emotional health is the belief that emotional healing means feeling happy all the time.

It doesn't.

Being emotionally healthy doesn't mean eliminating difficult emotions. It means learning how to experience all of them without becoming afraid of them.

Every emotion exists for a reason.

Fear helps protect you.

Anger can reveal where a boundary has been crossed.

Grief reflects the depth of your love.

Sadness creates space for healing.

Joy reminds you what connection feels like.

Rather than asking, "How do I stop feeling this?" a more empowering question is, "What is this emotion trying to show me?"

When we stop judging our emotions, they become guides instead of enemies.

Why We Learned to Fear Our Feelings

Most people were never taught emotional regulation.

Instead, many of us learned emotional suppression.

We heard phrases like:

• "Don't cry."
• "You're overreacting."
• "Calm down."
• "You're too sensitive."
• "Be strong."

Without realizing it, we began believing that difficult emotions meant something was wrong with us.

Eventually, we stopped trusting our emotional experience altogether.

Instead of allowing emotions to move through us, we began resisting them.

Ironically, the resistance often creates more suffering than the emotion itself.

Your Nervous System Is Trying to Protect You

Emotions aren't just thoughts.

They're physical experiences happening inside your body.

Your nervous system responds to situations long before your logical mind catches up.

When an emotion arises, your body may respond with a racing heart, a tight chest, butterflies in your stomach, tension in your jaw, or a lump in your throat.

These aren't signs that you're broken.

They're signs that your nervous system is communicating with you.

Learning to listen instead of panic creates an entirely different relationship with yourself.

The Cost of Avoiding Emotions

Many of us become experts...

• [05:40] Why your body stays “on guard” even when there is no immediate danger.
• [14:20] The hidden link between chronic stress and “low-maintenance” people-pleasing.
• [23:15] How to identify your “tells”—the physical signals that you’ve left your window of tolerance.
• [34:50] Guided Practice: A simple sequence to reset your system.

Mentioned in This Episode

– Internal Family Systems (IFS) / Parts Work
– Book: No Bad Parts by Richard Schwartz

About Beth

Beth is a somatic coach, breathwork facilitator, and speaker who helps women and leaders move from survival mode into safety, self-trust, and authentic expression. She bridges nervous system science and spirituality in a grounded, practical way so healing happens beyond mindset.

Connect with Beth:

Facebook
Instagram
Website

If this episode resonated, follow and subscribe so you don’t miss what’s next. Share it with someone who’s been living under pressure, pushing through life, or stuck in survival mode.Learn more about working with Beth at shiftwithbeth.com

They think boundaries are about telling other people what they can or cannot do. They think it sounds like control, confrontation, or conflict.

But a boundary is none of those things.

A boundary is a decision you make about what you will and will not participate in.

It is about your behavior, your response, and how you take care of yourself when something does not feel aligned.

That shift changes everything.

Boundaries Are Not About Controlling Others

One of the biggest misconceptions is that boundaries are about changing other people.

“You can’t talk to me like that.”
“You need to stop doing that.”

Those are not boundaries. Those are attempts to control someone else’s behavior.

A true boundary sounds like:

“If you speak to me that way, I’m going to leave the conversation.”
“If this continues, I’m going to step away.”

Do you feel the difference?

One is trying to change them. The other is taking responsibility for yourself.

Why Boundaries Feel So Hard

If you were raised to keep the peace, be agreeable, or make sure everyone else is okay, boundaries will feel uncomfortable.

Not because they are wrong.
Because they are unfamiliar.

Your nervous system learned that being liked, accepted, and easy was what kept you safe. So when you start setting boundaries, your body reacts.

Your heart races.
You feel anxious.
You want to explain more or take it back.

This does not mean you are doing it wrong.

It means you are doing something new.

Why Boundaries Only Work With Follow-Through

Many people say their boundaries do not work.

But the truth is, a boundary only works if you follow through.

If you say, “I’m going to leave the conversation,” but you stay, it is no longer a boundary. It becomes a request.

And if someone is used to you having no boundaries, there will often be resistance when you start.

They may push back.
They may test you.
They may call you difficult or selfish.

This is part of the process.

It does not mean the boundary is wrong. It means the pattern is changing.

The Real Shift: Self-Trust

Boundaries are not just about other people. They are about your relationship with yourself.

Every time you say yes when you mean no, you disconnect from yourself.
Every time you override your needs, you lose a little self-trust.

And every time you follow through on a boundary, you rebuild that trust.

This is where the deeper work is.

Not just setting the boundary, but staying with yourself when it feels uncomfortable.

Letting someone be upset.
Not rushing to fix it.
Not overexplaining.

Just being with the discomfort and reminding your body: this is safe, it is just new.

Boundaries Are Self-Love In Action

Boundaries are not about pushing people away.

They are about making sure you never push yourself away again.

They are about choosing alignment over obligation, honesty over approval, and self-trust over control.

And the more you practice, the more natural it becomes.

Because you are no longer abandoning yourself to keep the peace.

You are learning how to stay.

In this episode of The Shift with Beth Podcast, Beth explores why letting go feels so difficult, how control impacts our relationships with our children, and what it actually means to create emotional safety as a parent.

Why Letting Go Feels So Hard

Most parents don't wake up thinking, "I want to control my child."

What they're actually trying to do is protect them.

Control often disguises itself as love. It looks like advice, reminders, warnings, monitoring, and trying to prevent mistakes. Underneath those behaviors is usually fear.

Fear that our children will get hurt.

Fear that they'll make choices we wouldn't make.

Fear that they'll struggle.

Fear that somehow their mistakes reflect our success or failure as parents.

The problem is that while control may come from love, it often creates the opposite of what we're hoping for.

The Hidden Cost of Control

When children feel controlled, they rarely feel supported. Instead, they often feel managed, judged, or monitored.

This is especially true during the teenage years.

Many parents assume that more rules, more monitoring, and tighter control will create better behavior. In reality, excessive control often creates secrecy.

Teenagers become incredibly creative when they don't feel emotionally safe.

They hide information.

They stop sharing.

They learn how to avoid conversations.

They protect themselves from disappointment, criticism, or judgment.

The result isn't greater connection. It's greater distance.

As Beth shares in the episode, the control we're using to keep our children close is often the very thing pushing them away.

Why Emotional Safety Matters More Than Control

Emotional safety means creating an environment where our children feel free to tell the truth.

It means they know they can make mistakes without losing our love.

It means they can share fears, struggles, dreams, and challenges without feeling immediately judged or corrected.

This doesn't mean having no rules or boundaries.

Healthy parenting absolutely includes expectations, consequences, and guidance.

The difference is that emotional safety prioritizes connection over control.

When children feel emotionally safe, they're more likely to come to us when life gets difficult. When they don't feel safe, they often handle struggles alone.

When Your Child's Dreams Don't Match Your Expectations

One of the biggest challenges for parents is supporting a child whose path looks different than the one we imagined.

Maybe they don't want to go to college.

Before breathwork became a central part of my work, it was the practice that found me when I needed it most. It became an anchor during one of the most turbulent and painful seasons of my life, guiding me back to myself when I felt completely lost.

In the fourth episode of the Shift with Beth podcast, I share the deeply personal story of how breathwork became my lifeline. This conversation is for you if you are navigating a difficult season, feeling disconnected from your inner knowing, or simply curious about how this simple practice can create such profound transformation.

My First Encounter with Breathwork

My journey with breathwork began in 2021. My marriage was ending, and I was navigating a summer of separation that felt devastating. In the midst of this chaos, I felt a strong intuitive pull to attend a holistic business retreat in Idyllwild, California. I knew no one there, but something told me I had to go.

On the first morning, we were guided through a Wim Hof breathwork session. I had no idea what to expect. Within minutes, I felt a visceral response in my body—my hands grew tight, my arms went stiff, and a tingling sensation washed over me. During the breath holds, tears streamed down my face, not from a specific thought or memory, but from a deep, cellular release. It felt as if my body was letting go of something it had been holding for years.

That experience planted a seed. It showed me that there was a way to access and release stored emotion that went beyond just talking or thinking my way through it.

A Lifeline Through Grief and Trauma

A few months later, my life was shattered by trauma. On January 3, 2022, I received a call that my older brother, Jim, had been shot and killed by police during a mental health crisis following a relapse after five years of sobriety. To say it was traumatic is an understatement. The grief was excruciating, and compounded with the complete collapse of my marriage, the stress my body was carrying felt enormous.

In the weeks that followed, I went to an in-person breathwork session, simply needing to get out of my head and survive. About 20 minutes into the breathing, during a breath hold, something happened that changed everything. I saw my brother, Jim. It wasn’t a memory; it was a connection. He was in the ocean, a place he loved, and he told me he was at peace. He said, “I couldn’t help you and support you on Earth, but I’m going to help you from the other side.”

At a time when I felt angry at the universe and disconnected from any sense of spirituality, this experience was a profound gift. It was real. Breathwork became a sacred space where I could connect with him, process my grief, and receive the guidance and courage I needed to choose myself when I felt I couldn’t do it alone.

How Breathwork Actually Works

Most of us live almost entirely in our thinking minds, disconnected from the wisdom held in our bodies. We have neural networks not just in our brain, but also in our heart and gut. Breathwork is a practice that helps you move out of your thinking brain and create coherence between your mind, heart, and body.

When you do this, you drop into a state where you can access your deeper knowing. This is where you receive what I call “downloads”—insights, clarity, and realizations. It’s a space where you can connect with different parts of yourself: your confident self, your higher sel...