Following her conversation with Adams State University President David Tandberg, San Luis Valley therapist Tami Valentine explores grief, identity, and why asking for help can feel so difficult. Drawing on narrative therapy and her own experience with loss, she considers how painful experiences become part of our story—and how we make room for who we’re still becoming.

You don’t owe your pain a redemption story. Find the companion reflection workbook at valentinecounseling.org/shop.

In this episode of For Peyton, I sit down with Adams State University President David Tandberg to talk about the people who saw potential in him and how that experience shapes the way he leads today. We explore what it means to help students feel like they belong, the difference a university can make in rural communities, and the responsibility—and sometimes loneliness—of leadership.

David also shares openly about losing his younger brother, his experience with PTSD, and how asking for help changed his life. Together, we reflect on grief, the support that helps us move forward, and why doing hard things doesn’t mean doing them alone.

If you’ve ever wondered why you keep having the same fight—or how to reconnect when life gets heavy—this episode is for you.

In this episode of The For Peyton Podcast, I sit down with my husband, Aaron, for an honest conversation about growing up together, raising four kids, navigating money and family stress, learning how to communicate, becoming empty nesters, and grieving the loss of our son, Peyton.

We talk about the things we got right—and plenty of things we got wrong. We share stories from our early marriage and parenting years, the ways our roles have changed over time, how differently we respond to conflict and emotion, and what grief has taught us about showing up for each other.

This isn’t a conversation about having a perfect marriage. We definitely don't.

It’s about repair.

About learning your spouse over and over again as life changes. About recognizing that one person cannot meet every need. About making room for humor, friendship, separate interests, hard conversations, forgiveness, and sometimes simply hanging on through a difficult season.

And after almost 30 years together, maybe that’s one of the biggest things we’ve learned:

We just keep repairing.

If you’re navigating marriage, parenting, grief, relationship changes, or a new season of life with someone you love, I hope this conversation makes you feel a little more normal—and gives you something worth talking about together.

🎙️ The For Peyton Podcast
Real conversations about mental health, relationships, grief, growth, and the things we carry that don't always get said out loud.

Grief, burnout, stress, trauma, and depression can overlap in ways that are difficult to sort out from the inside. But you do not have to perfectly name what you are experiencing before you ask for help.

Tami breaks down what depression can actually look like, including changes in functioning, pleasure, motivation, energy, and the overall direction your mental health is heading. She also talks about why some people remain highly functional while struggling significantly underneath, how the “of course I feel this way” trap can keep us from recognizing when something has become unsustainable, and why action sometimes has to come before motivation.

The episode also covers behavioral activation, coping skills versus treatment, therapy, medication, medical evaluation, social connection, spirituality, and practical ways to build a “minimum viable day” when everything feels overwhelming.

Most importantly, this episode is a reminder that there is no threshold you have to cross before you are allowed to ask for support.

If it hurts, if it feels overwhelming, or if what you are carrying no longer feels sustainable—ask for help.

And for Pete’s sake, take care of yourself and each other.

Ashley shares what it was like to lose her husband, Donald, while raising six children, how grief affected each member of the family differently, and what it meant to keep parenting when she was barely getting through the day herself. She talks openly about depression, recognizing when she needed help, the support of family and community, and the small moments that helped her move from simply surviving toward living again.

They also talk about what grieving people actually need, why saying a loved one’s name matters, the tension between faith and pain, remarriage, raising children through loss, and how joy and grief can exist at the same time.

This is a thoughtful, honest conversation about carrying what cannot be changed, accepting help, finding meaning, and discovering that life can still be beautiful even when it looks nothing like you expected.

In this clinical deep dive, Tamera explores how trauma affects the brain, nervous system, memory, and threat response—and why survival skills that help us in one environment can become exhausting in another. Using insights from her conversation with Sergeant Nicholas Hazelett, she breaks down PTSD, hypervigilance, avoidance, cumulative trauma, and evidence-based treatment in a way that is practical, accurate, and hopeful.

Trauma can change us. But the brain is not finished learning.

Nich shares an honest perspective on the human side of law enforcement—what repeated exposure to trauma can do, how his own experience with PTSD changed the way he leads, and why protecting a person’s dignity matters even in their hardest moments.

We also talk about identity beyond the uniform, faith, resilience, the importance of meaningful connection, and what it takes to see some of the worst parts of life without losing your love for people.

At the heart of the conversation is a simple message: you have value, you have worth, and you have a future.

Drawing from Bowen family systems theory, Gottman relationship research, Internal Family Systems, Carl Jung, and leadership principles from Stephen Covey and John Maxwell, the episode explores differentiation, conflict patterns, parenting as the gradual transfer of leadership, and what happens when anxiety, achievement, anger, people-pleasing, or the inner critic quietly takes over.

The deeper question is not simply whether we are leaders. It is: when things get difficult, what is actually leading us?

Listen on YouTube, Spotify, or Apple Podcasts. Related resources and digital downloads are available at ValentineCounseling.org.

If you want it a little more concise for Spotify/Apple, I’d use:

What actually leads us when pressure rises?

In this clinical deep dive, Tami explores leadership at work, in marriage, in parenting, and within ourselves. Drawing from family systems theory, Gottman research, Internal Family Systems, Carl Jung, Stephen Covey, and John Maxwell, she looks at what happens when fear, anxiety, achievement, anger, or people-pleasing begins making the decisions for us.

The goal is not to eliminate those parts of ourselves, but to understand them well enough to decide what actually gets to lead.

Related digital downloads are available at ValentineCounseling.org.

We talk about learning to separate who you are from what you do, asking for help before things fall apart, and why real strength sometimes looks a lot different than we think.

This episode examines grief waves, nervous-system regulation, ritual, continuing bonds, guilt, boundaries, and the differences between grief, trauma, depression, and prolonged grief disorder. Tami also offers practical ways to navigate overwhelming moments and support someone who is grieving. Most importantly, she reminds listeners that healing does not mean forgetting—it means building a life large enough to hold both the love and the loss.

Takeaways

Grief affects the mind, body, relationships, and spirit—not just emotions.

Professional knowledge and competence do not make anyone immune to grief.

Grief often comes in waves, and the immediate goal is not to solve the entire loss but to make it through the next few minutes.

A calm, regulated person can help carry the structure when someone who is grieving cannot think clearly.

Ritual gives grief a place, a structure, and a way for others to show their love when words are insufficient.

Continuing bonds allow us to remain connected to someone we love after death.

A good day is not a betrayal of grief, and a terrible day is not a relapse.

Grief, trauma, depression, and prolonged grief disorder can overlap, and additional support may sometimes be needed.

Self-compassion, practical support, and healthy boundaries can make grief more bearable.

The goal is not to forget but to learn how to carry both love and loss in a changed world.

Chapters

00:00 Introduction: A Clinical Deep Dive into Grief
01:10 Personal Experience and Overlapping Losses
04:40 Bereavement, Grief, and Mourning
08:10 How Grief Affects the Brain and Nervous System
12:20 The Attachment Map and Lowering Expectations
13:25 External Regulation and How Others Can Help
18:30 Grief Waves and the Next 10 Minutes
24:50 The Role of Ritual in Grief
29:30 Continuing Bonds and Remembering
30:55 Moving Beyond the Five Stages of Grief
33:45 Grief, Trauma, Depression, and Prolonged Grief
38:30 Guilt, Regret, and Hindsight Bias
41:00 Relationships, Support, and Boundaries
49:30 Carrying Love in a Changed World
51:45 Closing Thoughts and the Grief Survival Kit

Takeaways

• The multifaceted role of a funeral director
• The evolving landscape of funeral practices and the importance of creating meaningful rituals around death Sacred rituals of preparation and dressing hold deep emotional significance for families.
• Funeral directors face significant emotional and mental health challenges in their role. Navigating grief is a deeply personal experience, and it's important to have access to community resources and support during this time.
• Self-care and simplifying the funeral arrangement process can alleviate the emotional and financial burden on families dealing with loss.

Chapters

• 00:00 A Day in the Life of Stephen Hunzaker
• 03:00 The Role of Funeral Directors
• 09:01 Changes in the Funeral Industry
• 17:10 Creating Rituals Around Death
• 21:59 The Sacred Ritual of Dressing and Preparation
• 22:41 The Burial and Sacred Conversations
• 23:50 The Role of Funeral Directors and Open-Mindedness
• 25:28 The Emotional Toll on Funeral Directors
• 29:34 The Mental Health Impact on Funeral Directors
• 36:15 The Sacred Process of Preparation and Healing
• 41:23 Navigating Grief and Lack of Support
• 44:24 Navigating Grief and Loss
• 45:19 Community Resources and Support
• 52:46 Self-Care and Simplifying the Process
• 01:05:21 Understanding Grief and Humanizing Funeral Directors

A companion digital download for this episode is available at ValentineCounseling.org.

Tami discusses five principles — safety before correction, connection before escalation, structure as support, repair after rupture, and systems not superheroes — and applies them across the home, classroom, school building, district, and community.

This episode is about what happens when adults lead around children with both compassion and accountability. It is not about lowering expectations or excusing behavior. It is about creating conditions where students, educators, families, and communities can function better.

A companion digital guide, Trauma-Informed Leadership in Public Education, is available at valentinecounseling.org.

In this conversation, Brad shares what he has learned about students, teachers, parents, technology, and the importance of helping kids feel seen. Tami and Brad also discuss the pressure educators are carrying, how smartphones have changed school and family life, and why connection, communication, and steady adult leadership still matter.

This episode is about more than education. It is about mental health, community, responsibility, and the adults who shape the lives of young people.

A companion resource, Trauma-Informed Leadership in Public Education, is available at valentinecounseling.org.

Tami also shares about her son, Peyton “Pete” Valentine, whose life, creativity, compassion, and memory inspired this podcast. With both professional experience and personal loss shaping her perspective, she explains why these conversations matter so deeply and what listeners can expect in the episodes ahead.

This is the beginning of a podcast rooted in honesty, humanity, and hope.